别忘了初心

 最近好像是昏昏噩噩的让时间漂流。时儿清醒，时儿发呆。有时候也纳闷，努力到底是为了什么成就？成就背后的心酸有谁能了解；成就过后的云烟有谁能留得住？

今天早上我终于写了我的韩文作文😅 2-3月去了我才交上我的稿，真实惭愧哈哈。现在我的韩文情况我也不知道如何描述。。。不进也不退吧。好像就是在同一个地点上徘徊不前。一直在同一个地点上逗留久了，好像会慢慢忘记当初为什么要开始学习韩文的原因。

刚刚在找灵感写文章时，撞见了韩文版的‘初心’   - 초심. 发音如同中文，至今我还时觉得非常的奇妙。世间上那么多的语言，各个语言都那么的美妙；每当有相似的发音时，心中就是非常震撼。或许这就是我开始学习韩文的初心吧。对于语言的爱和欣赏，就如同当年我对中文的爱那般的迷恋。就算现在，我对中文的爱也是独一无二的。就算我的语言能力不是在强的，但也是不能抹去我对它们的欣赏。

这便是今天的文章的重点吧。很多时候我们学习一样东西时，我们都一味的追逐看得见的成果。一味的追逐成果或许不是一件坏事，但在那过程中，我们总会忘记品尝学习的茶香。现今的社会可能非常的注重效果和成果 - 这样我们再会成为对社会有贡献的人。设想：我们人生的目的只是为社会效力吗？还是有比这个高尚的目的的？

我觉得学习像品茶。冲得一壶好茶之前我们必须一步一步的享受那个过程。首先，我们的烧一壶热水。古代人非常的讲究如何烧一壶热水。有人喜欢用雨露，有些有喜欢用晨露, 因为对茶道有研究的师傅们说不同的水煮出来的茶汁都会体现出茶叶不同的味道。当然，煮水的温度也要恰当，不能太烧也不能太凉，否则茶叶的精华也不能被体现出。当茶叶浸泡在水之中时，茶叶香会慢慢的弥漫在空气中。师傅们都说，闻茶香也有功夫可研究。略闻和深闻体验出的嗅觉感受是不一样的。最后到了品茶。细细和慢慢的品茶会让喝茶的人感受到茶的美感。学习难道也不是如此吗？我们习惯性的认为‘快’便是好。难道速溶茶会比一步一步煮出来的功夫茶好吗？其实我了不例外：从小到大我们都被灌输着快变是好的想法。看来我得慢慢的把学习的层次分开，慢慢的解剖学习里面的茶道。 

说来说去其实就是想要提醒我自己：别忘了初心。초심을 잃지마세요! 我学习韩文的初心是处在于对语文的爱和对文化的好奇，不要因为被‘快’而迷失了方向。时儿我们得提醒自己的初心。

“定初心只需一时，守初心需要一世。对初心一心，才是对初心真心“。

九九归一，化繁为简

最近读了一本书 《舍得》。而书中这句话 “九九归一，化繁为简”让我觉得印象深刻。智者所说的简单，并不是指内容的贫乏，而是一种繁华过后的觉醒。以幸福的人生一定是去繁就简的人生，一个懂得克制自己欲望的人生。 

我知道你们会不会如此：每当我享尽了美食佳肴后，总是会渴望简单的一顿餐。不需要鲍鱼牛排红酒，只需要稀饭和肉丝我便满足。或许我们每一个人极为开心的时候时候我们去繁就简的时刻吧。

人的欲望很大，有时候大都连自己都被它吞噬掉。没有止境的欲望只会让自己更为痛苦。因为得到了想要的目标后，因为不懂得知足常乐而反而感到不快乐。很快的就会寻找下一个更大的目标。到头来很可能内心也被消耗到只剩下空虚。 

简单便是一种美。东西太复杂了，反而找不到合心点。简单让我们更为实在的生活和平常日常的平静和快乐。今天我去了大学的学生餐厅吃了当年非常爱吃的水饺面。虽然外界物价膨胀，但是这面依然是当年的价钱和口味。吃着吃着，好像比起海鲜烤肉，这简简单单的一餐，让我觉得比较自在和开心。或许口味不能和米其林饭店的面比较吧，但我更加欣赏不浮不夸的阿姨和朴素的学校陈设。

我们每一个人都有欲望，那是好的。但凡我们发觉我们的欲望已经成为不能控制的恶魔时，那可能是时候给自己一个警惕了。节制不住欲望，不可能明白知足常乐的道理。而领悟不到这个道理的话，或许人生只能在无谓的竞争和攀比下度过吧～

Thoughts on my personal growth

It has been a long while since I had a whole week to myself thanks to URTI ☺Well we can call that blessing in disguise because with physical rest, it comes with mental and emotional rest as well. While I was reflecting about the past 4 months of 2022, it made me realise how much I've grown as a person ever since I've gotten married. 

Calvin Coolidge says, “All growth depends upon activity. There is no development physically or intellectually without effort, and effort means work.”

Living without my parents and leaving the comfort zone that was known to me was scary but necessary. While it sounds stupid, but I am really happy that I've learnt how to use a pressure cooker, learnt how to cook, learnt how to keep the house clean, learnt how to cut a fruit?! and above all, learning how to be ok to learn new things!

It was definitely uncomfortable to be place in a new environment and trying to navigate around. However, little by little, I knew I was getting better at things that didn't come so naturally to me. Here are some things I've grown thus far (gonna keep working at it!): 

1. Independence 

Just like what I've mentioned above, wielding a knife to cut a guava or a dragon fruit seemed like a formidable task to me just months ago. Today, while the guava I cut didn't look ready for a fruit display, I was certainly happy that I didn't chop my fingers off by accident, and I didn't have to ask for help!

I strongly believe that with hard work, there will always be progress. And that means even if we don't see the results immediately. Independence is a process and not an end result ~ I'm excited how much more I can grow and learn months ahead. 

2. Inquisitiveness 

Life stops when you stop learning. Keeping an inquisitive and experimental spirit helps to spice up some routine in my life. I used to be super afraid of trying new things and recipes when I am cooking - stick to the familiar right? That meant that I've always been cooking and eating the same old safe recipe that I was used to. Comfort is safe but it could also lead me to regression and boredom. I needed to be braver and experimental. 

Being inquisitive was helpful. A quick search on Youtube showed me thousands of possibilities with just those same ingredients I had in the fridge. Apart from burning up the kitchen and burning my food, what else could go wrong? Experimenting with new recipes and actually succeeded at not killing both myself and T was a fantastic accomplishment to me :) What this taught me was there will always be the first time. Even a pro has his first time right? Don't be afraid to fail and you will see the results of success. 

3. Emotional stability 

I used to be a super emotional person and many would just attribute that to my gender lol. Swinging to extreme ends of the pendulum could possibly happen in moments throughout the day when I was younger and I never knew why. Now, I was quite surprised that I don't even remember when was the last episode... 

The gradual calm and stability likely didn't ambush me overnight but I want to thank those infinite wisdom that were imparted to me via the books I've read. Those book spoke through my soul and washed away the impurities that bogged my restless heart down. They taught me to be more acutely away of my emotions and perhaps, just like listening to an inner child, it brought peace and maturity. 

Emotional stability to me is a gift and a form of liberation. Extreme swings of emotions no longer taunt me like a school bully. Now I could look at it face to face and smile. Acknowledging the presence of the emotion and moving on gave me control. On top of that, I can no longer be held hostage by the emotions of other people. I am whole. 

4. Boundaries 

I think with emotional stability, it comes with a sense of self and individuality. It is so much easier for me now to state my boundaries and show people how I want to be treated. I still get scared and nervous when letting know other's how I feel about their treatment towards me, but it is getting easier. 

Emotional stability generates the strength one has to erect safe boundaries to protect oneself. When one is a wreck, I am not to certain if one actually knows what healthy boundaries and where to draw them. Like aways, I give thanks to the wisdom in books and podcasts on boundaries, which taught me that WE teach people how they can treat us. And that really starts from self respect. If we treat ourselves like trash, then we cannot expect others to treat us like treasure. When I am tempted to treat myself like trash and feed myself with negativity, I always try to remind myself that this will form a loop that allows others to do that to me too. 

Honestly, I am not great at this especially with family members. But I do think that by starting small, saying no to that upsize, saying no to going out when you just wanna stay at home, helps. 

~

I have to say that I am quite happy and contented right now although life has been quite busy and there has been lots of new things to learn. I feel the most alive when I am learning something new and I hope to be a better me with time :) bye ~ 

学会与自己独处

有时候会不会觉得即便被人群围绕着，也会觉得寂寞？

今天在回妈妈家时，好像那个住了25年的家突然间有熟悉又陌生。曾经和我度过无数夜晚的房间和枕头，突然间也变成嫂嫂占有的空间。突然间，回到那里，觉得格格不入。好像唯一熟悉的是妈妈的唠叨和妈妈的菜。这一种寂寞实属难耐～告诉任何人，应该也不会完全的理解吧？

以前小的时候，面临这种难耐的情绪时，我会选择逃避。如果逼迫自己睡一觉，明天醒来应该一切也恢复正常了。但现在长大的我，会选择面对。因为我开始的发现，这一辈子很长，如果我们始终谁不会和自己独处，为自己疗伤，那谁会呢？

夜深人静时，或许是我们最容易感到寂寞的时候。这时刻，应该是我们卸下武装和伪装，最为真实的自己。这里非常的安全，因为没有其他人可以对我们指手画脚。我们就是我们。但也是这个时候，我们将是最为软弱的我们。如果面临着赤裸裸的心灵，我们是否敢与它对目呢？

我觉得呢，当我们能够对自己的无助和软弱坦言相对时，那便是我们蜕变之时。人生一路走来会有许多人陪伴着。但终究没有一个人能够陪我们走到尽头。路还是得我们走。而携手同行的人，不是父母，朋友，伴侣，而是我们自己。父母也终究只能陪我们走到一半的生涯，大多数发生在我们生活中的点点滴滴，他们也不太能够理解。朋友和伴侣也有自己的人生跑道，到底有何人能够永远和你肩并肩的行走呢？到头来，我们像周围一望，原来是我们的影子。而影子便是默默无声陪伴着自己到最后的隐形人。

学会和自己独处，也是对自己的宽容。成为自己最好的朋友和支持者，我们便会笑着生活。把生活最美好的事情学会和自己分享。不要只让自己孤单的承受煎熬。我们也值得和自己庆祝人生的高端。今年，我不会再逃避自己的寂寞和孤独。我会慢慢的聆听心灵，给予它爱和支持。我会成为自己最好的朋友 ：）

 

谈人生变化

    最近忙着筹备婚礼和搬家，真的没有什么多余的时间抽出来给自己享用。终于，到了寂静的夜晚，我的心可以缓缓的休息片刻。还记得自己上个星期还忙着筹备婚礼，而现在也成为人妻了。顺眼见，时间悄然无声的从我们身边溜走了。

今天傍晚，我走着我每天会娘家的路回家，慢慢的吸收周围的风景。这个我走了25年的路，我很快就要跟它暂时告别了。我呆了25年的家，也要和它告别了。也说不上什么心酸，只是真的别有一番滋味儿。人生或许就像一杯好茶，细细地品尝和欣赏。但最终也会喝完。喝到茶底，勉强再冲也未必能够回到最原有的滋味。壶里的茶淡了，也该换一换新的茶叶或者另一种茶叶品尝。或许喝着喝着，我们也就爱上这个新的口感呢？

 我并不排斥新的体验和生活，但我也喜欢慢条斯理的欣赏即将要告别的生活。我觉得当我慢慢的领悟到每一人，每一件事，每一个人生时段都有最佳品尝期时，我好像越来越珍惜每一刻的生活。看看慢慢老去的姥姥和父母，速速成长的侄儿，时间仿佛在隧道里奔跑，赢家永远是它。我很感恩过去的酸甜苦辣，塑造出如今的我。虽然成长路上我觉得是吃了不少心灵上的苦，挨了不知道有多少个跟斗，我感谢它们抹去了我的菱角。我坚信，每当生活给我们吃上任何苦头，有一天我们也会有属于我们应有的福报。

改变无常。世界的变迁变就是常态。当我慢慢的接受这个事实时，心也不再与从前那般浮躁。也说不上心如止水，但至少也能求一个平静。如果说更改时常态，或许我们一直以来所执着的事情未必需要我们那么的执着。或许很多事情，争执等都可以顺其自然。我希望在这成长的路上，我能够慢慢的削掉无关紧要的杂念和执着，泰然自若。

那么人生的意义如何？自古以来无人能够逃离生老病死。在医院总是看到不同的人遭受不同的病。有些人挣扎一辈子换取生命但却无法生活；而有些人却用着生命和生活换取别人的生命。感觉有点无奈。而有些得了失智症的老人，我也无法知道他们余生里能不能够感受到生命的神圣？我们的生命就像一盏蜡烛，在最开始的时候烧得最洪亮和光芒。我们恨不得周围的每一个人关注我们。而当我们有灯枯尽，我们恨不得能够悄然无声的消失。所以我努力的告诉自己，别浪费光阴。如果我们能够数一数我们所剩下的日子的话，我们是否会换一个活法呢？

我也即将要开始崭新的生活。不知道婚姻会带来什么样的冒险和体验。希望我能够保留对生活的热诚面对这未知的恐惧和惶恐。我相信若对生活真诚和热爱，生活也会热情的感谢我们的 :) 

成长

经过时间的洗涤，友情、亲情、爱情顺其自然的变化。记得小的时候，心直口快的我在任何时候都会吐出真言。现在的我，慢慢学会了沉默。‘童言无忌’ 或许是因为不知道大人世界的阴暗吧？

长大后，曾经大大咧咧的人也开始沉稳了，曾经无话不谈的闺蜜有时候也渐渐找不到共同点，曾经那些常把喜怒哀乐都挂在脸上的人也开始装上了保护色。人与人之间的距离仿佛亲近，也仿佛遥远。两颗心明明很靠近，也感觉有隔阂。

最纯粹的感情，在世事的面前，也会有考验。在个人利益面前，便是考验真心的烤炉。利益还是感情？可能傻傻的我会选择感情吧～反正茫茫人海中，芸芸众生中，能够相知不易，皆为缘分。但或许这个选择因人而异吧？

成长的道路上，或许是看清人心险恶的时候。你端给别人的100分，可能只换回来50分？有时候换来了也只是虚情假意～无奈，当你付出一颗心，永远不知道到底会不会的到回报。 

虽然说成长后明白了许多，也看透了许多，我也始终提醒自己别心寒。雪花飘落的冬天里也会有一丝温暖。而当我们冷冷的心触碰到那一丝的温暖，也缓缓地恢复以往的温度。不同的是，我们现在更懂得珍惜现有的温度。雪中送炭，实属不易，应当珍惜。冰冷的心，被含有诚意的温暖呵护着，比一直有着温暖的感觉奇妙吧。

成长是一个必经之路。有时候我们会在过程中迷路，有时候会迷迷糊糊, 跌跌撞撞的摸索。途中，别忘了享受风景，别忘了问一问花儿的芬芳。我感谢成长过程中的拐弯，因为它总是出乎意料的赠送我一个别有一番风味的风景和体验。很多时候，当人生没有和我们原先的计划行走时，我们会愤怒，难过以及悲愤。但往往我们疏忽的是：或许没有按照计划行走的人生才是我们的必经之路。到了出口，我们才会恍然大悟，原来途中我们获益不浅。

成长也让我领悟到感情的娇弱。我们应该珍惜每一段和我们有缘相逢的亲朋好友。别仗着亲情或者长期的交情而任由自己放纵。感情就像是一盆花，被好好呵护的花儿当然会美丽的绽放；相反的，被忽略的花儿也会枯萎。感情经不起太多的矫情。认真对待每一个人，别把任何人对你的好当作理所当然。当你理所当然的对待任何感情，再深的感情也会渐渐被消耗枯尽。能够相知，相识，便是得到缘分的垂怜，让我们都好好珍惜吧。

勇气

 昨天，我发现了我2008年写的文章，题目为“勇气”。 以下便是来自2008年，12岁的我 ：）

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勇气是什么？很多人都认为所谓的勇气，是勇敢的去做每一件事情。相反的，那些不敢去做每一件事的人，对他们来说就是懦弱无能。

对于这种看法，我不赞同。有时候，过大的勇气，是不好的。孔夫子也有说过：见贤思齐焉，不见贤而内自省也。这句话的意思是说我们做人有时候不能有过大的勇气，因为有时反而会害了我们自己。 

那么，什么东西真正需要勇气呢？其实，有许多事情都需要勇气去面对。就如当我们做错事时，我们可能会选择逃避，还时坦然地去接受我们得承担的后果呢？如果选择躲避，我们可能免得责骂；同样的，如果去承认自己的过失，我们可能会收到责骂。如果我有一天被被困在这个地步的话，我会选择后者。所谓“经一事长一智”。我宁可现在得到教训，以免未来也犯同一样的过错。大家都知道，人有过失，马有失蹄。在这个世界上，人无完人。就因为这样，我们就得用钢地面对自己的错误，尽量改正。

另一个我需要面对的，便是自己。古人说：“最大的敌人，其实就在眼前：自己。” 世界上有好多人都不敢勇敢地面对自己。我也不例外。人生难免会遇到许许多多的挫折。人生就比如起伏不平的潮水一样。遇到挫折的时候，有些人会告诉自己要坚强；有些人会选择逃避；还有些人甚者会崩溃。可以坚强去面对的人，是因为他们已鼓起勇气，已准备要勇敢直前；那些选择逃避的人不是没有勇气，只是不够而已；而那些崩溃的，是因为他们害怕面对自己，面对周边的人，更重要的是，害怕面对现实。他们或许一直活在自己所建立的世界里，害怕‘逃’出去。为什么呢？因为他们往往怀疑自己的勇气。 

以我看来，我觉得勇气是一种非常奇妙的东西。有时候我发现自己一瞬间充满了勇气，而过了一会儿，又有逃避现实的心理。 

勇气看不见也摸不着，是那么的不真实。但是人人都需要它呀！

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13年的时间竟然悄然无声的流失了。这13年当中，当然有无数的事情考验和证实了我的勇气。我发现，好像年纪越大的我，越来越被不确实际的恐惧捆绑住。记得小时候，云霄飞车呀，蹦极等的冒险体验都毫无由于的尝试过了。但不知从何时开始，我们童真的勇气慢慢地被现实给污染了。

现在的我们，是不是非常害怕失败？是不是害怕自己不够努力，不够坚强？我们是不是步步为营，深怕我们的某一个决定是‘错’的？从何时起我们的勇气被削弱了？

现实是，我们每一刻所做的决定都有可能不是最正确活着最完美。但是，倘若我们一直被恐惧困住脚步，导致我们一直不前进，原地踏步的话，生活岂不是很累？难道活着不是一种勇气吗？我们的人生道路是不会逆转的。。。时间也不会。所以我今天很想再一次提醒总是犹豫不决的我，勇敢的前进吧！拿出那时12岁的勇气，只要是正规的事就去追吧！不勇敢的搏一搏，哪里知道命运等着我的安排呢？

我想，命运的宝箱里，藏着许多各种各样的惊喜，就等着勇敢和好奇的我们去解开。

让我们鼓起勇气，戴着微笑，努力的迎接每一天的到来吧：）

人生列车·

 

前几天我和闺蜜去了ANDAZ留宿 (Staycation) 了2天1夜。这让我顺利的利用了100元的旅游消费卷！成功！

从Check-in到Check-out的过程让我们非常的满意！服务员们个个都非常的有礼貌和敬业，很满意。

ANDAZ 的第39楼有一个观景台，让游客们欣赏一下新加坡的景色。我们晚上在游泳池游泳时也能够观看新加坡的夜景和星空。我在享受当下的顿时，我领悟到：“活着真幸运！It's so good to be alive!”。 

虽然没有大富大贵，但是能够享受人生种种小体验和类似奢侈的我，真的非常幸运。感恩～能够早上吃到丰富的自助餐的我，和地球一般的人比起，真的非常幸运了。当我们的眼睛开始看到我们周围的小幸福时，人生并非我们想象的那么艰难和难熬。人生的幸福其实可以很简单～

有时候想一想，我们的人生犹如一个直线的列车吗？我们所体验的人生阶段不就像是列车站吗？朋友的生日、毕业典礼、朋友结婚、哥哥当爸爸、自己结婚、新工作、新城市、新屋子、父母生日等不同纪念日和值得庆祝的节日都形成人生的列车站。

当列车停留在某个站时，我们都明白这只是暂时的。列车门会定时的开和关。这提醒着我们一定y要珍惜当下，因为过了这一站，不会再有。列车开开关关中，我们生命中的人也会上下车。有些人做一站便下车了；有些人好几站再下车；有些人半路上车；有些人下了车，再上车；而有些人，始终在列车里陪伴着我们。不论是哪一种乘客，我们都有感谢他们曾经在我们的生命中出现过，在我们渺小的生命中留下印记。无论是过客或是长久乘客，谢谢你们出现在我的生命里。你们的出现，让我的生活别有一番风味。

以前的我只是在意重点在哪儿。途中的路和风景都不大在乎。但是我慢慢的发现，其实人生的终点站是哪里或者何时会抵达我们都无法猜测。或许重要的不是终点站，而是我们在旅途中遇到了什么人，收获了什么回忆和启发。

愿我们在余生的轨道上，别浑浑噩噩的在列车上发呆。打开眼睛和心窗望一望车外的风景。到了某一车站时，不妨走出去看一看，创造一下新的体验。观察一下列车里有什么人，和他们分享一下当下人生的阶段。

祝贺我们有一个丰富的旅程 :) 

鞋子哲学

 上个星期我刚刚买了一双粉红色的拖鞋，今天晚上迫不及待的穿上了。起初穿上的时候，感觉良好，蛮舒服的～那我便穿出去散步了。但是，我越走，脚就感觉越来越不舒服。我以为这可能是新鞋子的缘故吧，如果在忍耐一点，或许我娇嫩的双脚就会习惯了。好巧，我越忍耐，脚就长了越多难以忍受的泡。

回家的路上，我拖着不合适的拖鞋一步一步的蔓延回家。虽然只是一双¥10的拖鞋，但我也悟到了一个蛮深刻的道理：不合适的，别勉强。 就算再漂亮，再耀眼的高跟鞋，再华丽的球鞋，若不合脚，那就别穿了。穿久了，反而会受伤，难过。 

人生的道路都会让我们撞见不同的人，触碰许许多多的感情。有些人，一开始的时候，感觉非常适合，但是时间越久了，磨擦出来的并非火花而是疮。而有些人，一开始并不起眼，并不会引起我们的注意，但是时间越久，越是一杯别有滋味儿的茶。这让我想起我那好多双冲动购买，魅力无法抵挡的鞋子，都因为不合适而被我晾起来了。而我发觉我每天都穿的运动鞋虽然看似普通，但却深得我的心（和脚）。

感恩·虽然也不算是跌跌撞撞、兜兜转转，但却让我遇见与我那运动鞋一般的人。

我的穿鞋哲学非常的简单：只穿舒服的。比合适的，那就别勉强了。就算再华丽，昂贵，漂亮，也不值得和舒服兑换。我对最爱的鞋子也非常忠诚。无论是什么样的场合，如果能够把它带上，我一定会戴着它。就算鞋子穿平了，我也会回到那一家店买同样品牌和同样款式续穿。因为当你穿上合适的鞋子，其他什么花样的鞋子都不中要了。

我们总是害怕可能还能找到比现在更舒服的鞋子。市场上那么多双，难道真的只有这一双合适吗？这并不是错误的想法。但是如果学不会感恩，珍惜现在所拥有的，就算以后再次找到合适的，我们也会再一次产生不满和猜测。

我和幸运我找到我那双最适合我的鞋子。它是一双普通的踢球鞋，白色的，并不起眼。但是穿起来好像是百搭。它陪着我走过好多的红绿灯，也陪伴着我淋雨，奔跑。

此生，这一双足矣。💗

如何在日常生活中找到自己

 随着年龄的增长（😱），我开始慢慢的意识到自己是那么容易的服从他人的意见。小时候开始擦眼观色时，总会按照父母老师或者朋友的意思办事。若是察觉到他们脸上的喜悦，那么我的行为应该是正确的。相反的，若是察觉到一丝的不悦，那么很可能是我的不对。

难道取悦他人便是我存在的意义吗？不可能，我也不屑。当叛逆的心理领悟到自我的意识时，我发现很多那些顺从他人的行为并不让我快乐。

我们不能一味的，义无反顾的为他人牺牲。我们的学会体会自己的感受。如果我们真的不喜欢，不妨坚决的说不喜欢。为何要勉强自己去取悦别人呢？可能是因为自信心欠佳的缘故吧～总是觉得如果能够100%的称谓别人眼中的样子我就会被爱和喜欢。但你我都知道这是一道谎言。如果连自己都不怜惜，那么有谁会去爱你呢？

那么我是如何在日常生活中找到自己的呢？

1. 学会说不

这可能对很多人来说是一件极为简单的事。但对我而言，并不简单。如果你也和我一样，不妨从简单的事情开始：

- 朋友邀约某天去吃饭，但是实在太累了，其实只想自己呆在家里。。。那么就学会拒绝吧。

- 家人或朋友让你帮他们做某某事情，如果不想要或者没有办法就拒绝吧。

- 太多聚餐，太多加班？慢慢的拒绝掉吧。

一开始说‘不’的时候，我以为可能会遭受到太多反射。但是久而久之，这变成一个尊重自我的习惯，活得愈来愈轻松了。

2. 学会尊重别人的意见的同时，别忘了尊重自己的意见和感受

生活中难免有某擦和不同的意见。就算自己有打算或意见，我总是没自信的认同他人的意见和看法。但是现在我想要改变的是，当我同意他人的意见时，那也不代表我一定也得否定自己的看法。每一个人都有自己看法的权利，不需要时时刻刻都委屈求全。

3. 学会聆听自己的心声

世界太喧哗，淹没自己的心声。时时刻刻听到的声音，本不是自己的。等到世界的喧哗停下来，无奈的是我们连自己的声音也认不得。

现在我常常提醒自己：别忘了自己。喜欢做什么就去做什么吧。人生短短几十年，为什么要活的那么憋呢？只要不是什么伤天害理的事情，就去做吧。如果非要考虑到每一个人的意见和看法，我们真的会快了吗？别太在乎别人，也别把别人的看法看得太重。总之，人生是自己的。自己过的自在逍遥才算是过好一生，不是吗？

Finding the joy of life

I remember having a such conversation with one of my close friend: 

Me: Now that I've graduated and there are no mandated check points, I feel kinda lost. Like there are no goals for me to work towards to anymore. 

Friend: yeah me too, feels strange now that the goal getter does not know what work towards. 

===========================================================================

For almost 2 years, I have struggled to find what my next goal was and I have been bumping around like a pin ball so desperately trying to find something that was 'worthy' for me to pursue. It was a new kind of anxiety that I experienced when I did not know what to do and did not know what my next step shall be. 

Have you felt similar frustration when you see your peers moving on to their next stage of their lives and you felt trapped at where you are? And with that anxiety, did you that make you also want to follow whatever that they are doing so that you seem that you are not wasting your life away? 

Count me in! However, blindly chasing after what other's pursued only amplifies my fear of missing out (FOMO) and would not help you or me find what sparks joy and the purpose in our lives. The foolishness only made me more frustrated with myself and my spiritual animal became a headless chicken - running all around the place without a specific goal in the end. 

Practicing mindfulness and being aware of my micro-motives in life helped in fine-tuning what sparked joy and what did not. It took me a long time to realise that I was trying to imitate the lives of others and not living my own - what makes others happy may not make me happy. And who knows? Are those people whom I am imitating really living the kind of lives they want or are they also simply going with the flow? That's when I started to learn how to tune out external influences and focus on what really motivates me everyday. 

Here are some steps I am employing to filter our what's important in my life: 

1. Find out what doesn't spark joy and discard it. 

Just like Multiple choice questions (MCQ) in exams, it is easier to eliminate the wrong choices to better lead you to the correct answer. We can apply this in life too. (who says exams is not applicable to real life? :p). 

Along the way, as we search deep and hard enough, we may become aware of what we absolutely hate doing and what we don't mind doing. For me, knowing what I dislike is also a step forward in finding out what I may like doing :) 

I used to think that earning a lot of money may make me happier when I was stuck in my previous workplace. I thought that perhaps a fat pay cheque may dampen my unhappiness with the lack of growth and learning opportunities. Glad I did not make any stupid mistakes by joining them haha. Fast forward 2 years, I am now working at another place where there are more learning opportunities, growth and brain work. Pay wise? neh, still the same haha. BUT, I find my footsteps so much lighter and I am actually happy going to work, happy at work and happy at the end of the working day even if it was tiring. Thus, I kinda know what motivates me more - growth and learning. 

2. Have an open mind and be curious 

Adopt a curious and open mind. You will be amazed by how much you could learn when you do not confine your mind to a preconceived set of beliefs. 

I think it really helps to have an expansion mindset and believe that there are always opportunities to learn everywhere. If learning opportunities do not come to you, create it and find it. As long as we remain inquisitive, there will always be room to improve and grow. 

Slowly but surely, my mindset has begin to shift from a finite mindset to one where it believes in limitless growth potential. We are often not entirely confined by our external circumstances but rather the rigidity of our core beliefs about ourselves and the world. 

3. Be at peace where ever you are

Perhaps the greatest take away for me was joy comes when I am contented in all circumstances. That does not mean that I do not complain or do not grumble when I am placed in a place I do not want to be. But it means more self soothing talks and conscious adjustments of my monologue to one of more gratitude. It is a choice to be made so that my lenses are focused on things that are gratitude worthy instead of dwelling on the less-than-ideal part of things. 

When the heart is at peace, whatever disturbances that come along the way will always result in achieving equilibrium. A lot of unhappiness and stress originate from ourselves when we are unable to see things beyond what it is. When our mindsets are too fixated on the negatives, the entire outlook that follows will be bleak. Frustration is like a grey cloud that blurs your windscreen, causing all things to be moody. Hence, it is always important to be self-aware of any degrading thoughts and swipe them away before it becomes our life's permanent lenses. 

                                                                                    -

Am I still looking for the next goal in my life? Yeah of course haha ~ I still believe that it is important to have a goal to work towards in life to have more targeted growth. However, I am less anxious about finding it now because there are always mini goal posts along the way and the journey is not always futile. It is about tuning in to what I am joyful about and not about what I think would make me happy. As cliche as it is, always remember to smell the roses along the way :)

新的启程

最近的生活好像有了好多突如其来的变化 - 是否好坏也当然取决于心态。

首先最大的变化便是工作的地方。我终于在呆了两年多的工作场所转了出来了。虽然说我起初想要去的地方并不是此地方，但从中也‘因祸得福’ 吧。有了成长的地方，再苦再累好像什么都值得。之前在同样地方一直呆着，每天犹如重复一日。。。什么动力好像都被消耗了。好在我解脱了👅

第二个大大的变化就是哥哥当爸爸了。为什么这也会影响我的生活呢？无奈的是，因为我们都生活在同一个屋檐下，难免会产生矛盾。当我一着忍和让，有时候真的蛮累的。

以下也是我最近所的到的感想：

1. 学习像是逆水行舟，不进则退

当我们逆着水行驶时，一步努力活着不留意，舟便会顺水流漂流着。我发现我那最空闲的2年工作时候真的没有什么动力。之前的梦想也被岁月消耗掉。可怕的是，我还以为这种无所事事，重复一日的无聊生活或许是我想要的。 2年间，我并没有什么进取心，能准时放工就行 TT

当我被调到另外一个地方工作的时候，内心是惶恐的。因为毕竟我也渐渐习惯了那种安逸度日的日子，突如其来的变化让我产生恐惧。我害怕我的安逸被打扰，也害怕成长的滋味儿。

很感恩的是：虽然说在新的工作里真的比较累，下班的时间也比较不一定 - 但最近我发觉我非常期待上班。原来，学习和成长是一种那么快乐的滋味儿。好久都没有这种感觉了。慢慢的我的学习的动力也恢复了：）

虽然辛苦，但我相信不断的自我突破和自我反省能够帮助我们永远保持对生活的热情和渴望。世界的知识都在等着我们去反觉，就差着我们的行动。就算我们的环境并不支持那么多的成长或培养，我们若保持着对学习真诚的心，一定会从中赢取些珍宝。

2. 想着改变别人，不如调和自己的心态

有时候对别人的要求别太高，不然真的会失望。我们都说将心比心，但有多少人真的能做到呢？当我们遇到自私的人的时候，大多时间都在与他们争分高下，看谁的理比较多。但是往往，什么是自私的？以我的了解，他们往往不会为别人着想，认为全世界以他为中心。

那么我们是要以其人之心，还治其人之身吗？这也可能会显示自己的修养不足吧？

为了让自己心平气和的过日子，我决定调和我的心态。任何逆境和难相处的人都会是我们成长， 让我从中得到启发或着做人的原则。

若别人要自私就自私吧，不必去理会他们。就算是真正会被他们自私的行为影响到，但若能够心平气和的忍，或许也能锻炼出比较高尚的人品吧。 

好啦拜拜👋

25岁感言

 昨天正是在下的生辰～已成功过完1/4世纪啦。 

每年的生日都带着不一样的感概，但今年的生日是别有一番风味呀。昨天我和男朋友去了樟宜机场JEWEL拍了我们的婚纱照！想着年底就要步入礼堂，真是有一点小紧张和不可思议👰。小的时候总猜想着自己到底会几岁结婚或者和什么样子的男子牵手。现在回想起10年前那个整天发白日梦的我，还真的有点好笑。随着人生的不同的阶段的转变，我渐渐意识到光阴似箭，日月如梭的真谛。但是，我非常感谢每一个阶段的结束于开始，因为它们都让我慢慢的成长和成熟。

这一年来，因冠状病毒的传播搞得很多人都不是很好过。非常感恩我还能有一份很稳定的工作等。虽然说当中也有遇到不是很如意的事，但是从中也就此掌握了很多道理和做人之道。以下便是我24-25岁一点当中，获取的珍贵课程。 

1. 勇敢接受建议和批评

我觉得世界上可能有很多难听的话，或者就是让我们难以咽下去的话。而那其中之一对我而言就是建议和批评。

刚刚开始工作时，我会常常为了一点点的小建议或者小批评而搞得自己非常的沮丧。我认为这些建议都是冲着我来的，觉得非常误会。由此，我便会努力的为自己辩驳和解释自己的立场。我的想法是：若自己并不觉得那建议是对的，那么我为什么要接受呢？

可是渐渐的我发现，我们每一个人都有盲点。而对本身的盲点尤其大。或许不是每一个建议和批评都有价值，但我学会了从中取其精华，去除糟粕。愿意聆听建议并不代表我需要接受其中的道理。但是如果我一味的拒绝聆听任何建议的话，我可能会失去成长的机会。当然，有一些批评存粹出自于无稽之谈，我们得学会分辨。

这一步对我而言是一个很大的进步。从小至今，对于批评和建议的本能反应就是反驳而不是静下心来选择聆听。虽然说这并不是我的拿手项目，但是我慢慢的比较接纳建议和批评，慢慢的找到自己的平衡点。

2. 接受自己的同时，别人才会接受你

或许是出自于内心的不安和焦虑感吧，从前的我非常非常的在意别人对我的看法。他人的每一个动作，表情，我都留心。我的言行举止都非常的谨慎，生怕自己会惹人讨厌。但是这种习惯性的讨好和察言观色真的好累。到头来自己都搞不清身边的人是真正喜欢你或者也是在给自己表面功夫。 

这一年我读了蛮多的心理学和自助书。从中我获取了很多感触，也学会慢慢的解开多年的枷锁。人活着不需要总是活得那么小心翼翼，得活得干脆一点。若总是活得小心翼翼和讨好他人才能获取任何感情的话，那么我宁可不要。 

当我接受自己的不足和缺陷的时候，心里是轻松的。好像有一块沉重的石头终于被落下来了，很是清爽。走出笼罩自己的自卑和不安的同时，我也好想开始比较能够包容其他人的不足之处。因为我发现，确实人无完人 -- 我们需要的都是无比的耐心和包容心。

以前若时说和一群朋友出去的话，对我而言是不可能的。因为我很确定自己不是一个团体人物。但今年连我都感到诧异，自己竟然有和一群同时出去玩了。啊，原来真的没有像我想象中那么的可怕☺

3. 自己的努力和成功不需要别人的夸奖

可能很多人都不需要夸奖（？）吧，但是从小到大喜欢察言观的我，渴望被肯定。上学时期比较容易：考到好成绩就很可能会收到夸奖和肯定。进入社会以后呢，发现每一个人‘好’的定义不一定。而这种不规定的定义让我措手不及。

当我们的内心逐渐的强大和成长时，是不需要外在的肯定和否定的。因为我们知道只有内心强大和真实才是真正的对自己的肯定。外在的肯定可能会给我们的自性心一次性的激发，但是往往是不能持久的。

若认为自己干的好时，那么就勇敢的接受自己的成就感吧，哪怕只是那一丁点。就算全世界都无视自己的努力和小成就，那也没有关系-因为我们时自己最大的支持者。 

从事任何项目时，我们所追求的不能单单只是成绩。我们也得学会欣赏自己的辛苦和努力☺✌

好啦，就写到这里吧。希望25岁这一年会过的更加充实和更有真实感。未来的我还是一个问号，但我现在就是将要成为未来的我。学会活在当下，感受每一刻所赐的，迈向更好的我 ❤

Learn conversational Teochew at Udemy!

Hi everyone! 

I wanted to share with you guys a new course that I've created for you to kick off conversational Teochew. It is an online course that consists of 10 easy to follow lecture series. 

You can find the course link here: https://www.udemy.com/course/learn-and-practice-conversational-teochew/

So what exactly inspired me to do this? 

Firstly, when I searched around google, there aren't many places offering Teochew language courses online and I thought it would be interesting to create one. The purpose of the course isn't for you to obtain mastery over this dialect but rather a stepping stone for you to start being fluent in the language. It is organised into bite size topics so that you are able to digest the information better. 

Secondly, being in a healthcare profession myself, being able to speak dialect can sometimes help to better communicate with my patients. If you also meet a lot of elderly like myself, perhaps this course would be suitable for you to connect better with the old folks :) 

Lastly, no other way to put it but passion. Teochew dialect has beautiful intonations that are different the English language that we are used to. At the same time, I found it peculiarly intriguing that Teochew actually bore resemblance to Korean! I cannot explain how excited I felt when I was learning Korean and suddenly I was like "wait a minute.... isn't this the same as Teochew?!". Amazing right?! The excitement that ran through me when I saw the similarities between Mandarin, Korean and Teochew was unbelievable! 

Why should you enrol into this course: 

1. Value for money 

Signing up for a language course outside will easily cost you at least a couple of hundred bucks. With this on demand course, you are getting the basic course at a fraction of the course. 

2. On demand 

You know sometimes we just want to chill on certain days after a tiring day but paid classes may not let you do so. Make up classes may also require you to pay additional. However with this on demand course, you can watch and learn whenever you want :)

3. Easy to follow 

Translations are provided in English and sometimes in Mandarin for you to follow along. Pronunciations are typed out in English - similar to pinyin when learning Mandarin. 

- 

Yes, it is my first ever creation and I'm definitely proud of it :) While it may pale in comparison to startups and being an entrepreneur, I am happy that I took the plunge and did something that I am passionate about. This push came after listening to the audio book "Daring Greatly" but Brene Brown. It encouraged me to dare to be vulnerable and try even if it may fail or if it may receive tonnes of uninspiring comments. If you are also thinking of doing something but your inner self is telling you all sorts of what-ifs, just do it (as long as its legal lol). Anyways, thanks for reading this post and I hope that you could support me in this one, it would be greatly appreciated :) see you around! 

Being conscious of our carbon footprints

I refer to the article posted by Straits Times "Discarded disposables in S'pore enough to fill 400 Olympic swimming pools" and I am appalled by the amount of waste generated by us. Of course, this could be fuelled by the lock downs and the need to dabao (takeaway) our food due to the COVID-19. 

In effort to reduce my carbon footprints, here are some things I did/didn't do to save the earth in my own little ways :) Following the old adage of reduce, reuse and recycle, here's my humble sharing. 

1. Reduce 

One of the best ways to save the environment is to cut down on consumption because that's the only sustainable way in the long run to reduce waste. Some things I did to reduce was to cut down on fast fashion. Looking through my Money Manager app, I'm really proud that I have not bought a single new piece of clothing since the start of this year. I am committed to continue to cut down on fast fashion due to environmental, financial as well as social implications. Shall not touch on them here today. 

As far as possible, I've opted for e-books, e-textbooks and digital note taking now instead of purchasing new books. For every new purchase of books, not only would the demand for natural resources increase, it would potentially clutter my space too. Initially, I was quite hesitant to port over to digital books as I very much like the feels of having a physical book with me. However, if I really do need the physical copy, I would search for second hand books or borrow from the library (reuse/recycle). 

Going back to the astonishing amount of disposable waste we generate, we can try our best to bring along reusable glass/plastic containers if we really need to dabao. I know it is really inconvenient and one might argue that the washing of the containers after that may increase water wastage, I think the latter problem may be a far outcry compared to the first. 

2. Reuse 

Reusing certain items may be an avenue for our creative brain juice to flow! For example, we could use old glass bottles as flower vase instead of buying a flower vase for the sole purpose of putting a flower 👅 Been there and done that and thus, I'm learning to be mindful of my daily consumptions and be more careful when making new purchases. 

For my upcoming new home with my fiance, I'm really happy and proud that my fiance actually agreed to purchase some second hand furnitures for our nest. While I understand that some (AKA our parents) may not really agree with second hand furnitures due to some beliefs, shopping at second hand shops can sometimes give you surprising cost savings! For example, my fiance and I managed to purchase a second hand and well maintained Rosewood antique study table for just $730 at Hock Siong. This is compared to the price quoted to us by another retailer who is selling the identical brand new table for almost $3k! *GASP* As long as you don't mind and the second hand piece is of acceptable quality, why not go for it! :) 

Apart from furnitures, I've started purchasing more pre-loved clothes and bags online as well. My recent purchase was a wedding gown for my pre-wedding shoot for $35 and a bag pack for $18. It took me some time to get over the mental hurdle of purchasing used goods but after some time, I'm very much convinced that reusing and repurposing items help to contribute to a more sustainable future. On the same note, my pre-loved goods are also put on sale on Carousell for a very affordable price to help them look for a new home. Do check out my Carousell store here: https://www.carousell.sg/minimalistickitty22

3. Recycle 

Compared to other countries, Singapore's recycling rate is one of the lowest. This is despite our almost zero effort needed blue recycling bin given to every single household. What do I mean by almost zero effort? Let me explain: 

In Korea, one would have to sort out the different types of recyclables from normal waste and then bring it to the nearest recycling place to throw away the plastic. At the recycling place, there are different containers for different grades of plastic as not all plastic can be recycled. However, in Singapore, all we need to do is to ensure that the plastic are clean and dry before throwing into the blue bin without sorting out tediously. Despite this, many of whom I know still do not recycle. No judgement here, habits are difficult to build but I hope everyone can start to do their part because the earth is really heating up from our unconscious and unmindful exploitation of its resources. 

If you do not know what are the items that can be recycled, please check out this comprehensive list of recyclables/non recyclables here: https://www.nea.gov.sg/docs/default-source/our-services/waste-management/list-of-items-that-are-recyclable-and-not.pdf

For more information about our nation wide recycling programme, you can also check out NEA's website here: https://www.nea.gov.sg/our-services/waste-management/3r-programmes-and-resources/national-recycling-programme

Since earth has given us so much benefits and comforts, shall we do a little part by making the effort to reduce, reuse and recycle please? :) Those little efforts may look insignificant but I assure you that everything counts! 

Skin care diet?!

 Hello everyone! It has been a while since I've last posted and today I wanna talk about my encounter with the term 'Skin care Diet'. You must be wondering like me like what the heck is a skin care diet?! I've only heard about dieting to lose weight thus far. 

TLDR: Skin care diet means stripping your skin care routine to the bare minimum. This made me excited because it means things could potentially become more minimalistic and fuss free for me! After being introduced this term by my friend, I decided to do some digging into this and some useful resources I've found would be Dr Dray, Liah Yoo etc on Youtube. Blogs include Fickle beauty which I've purchased my new set of skin care products from. 

Basically, after scouring through multiple resources, I've come to realised that I've been terribly duped by the skin care industry about needing tonnes of products for better and glowing skin! GUESS WHAT?! The greatest lie I've believed and bought into is that we absolutely need a toner in our regime! NO! Apparently, multiple aestheticians and dermatologists alike have mentioned that toner is not a must have in the skin care routine but rather an optional add on. 

Here are the most important steps in our skin care: 

1. Cleanser 

2. Mosturiser 

3. Sun screen 

At this point if you are not mind blown, it means that you have everything in order. I vividly recall myself slathering tonnes of products onto my face from toner, serum, essence, moisturiser, masks, sleeping mask sun screen onto my face every single day. Imagine how obese my skin would have become if our skin would put on weight with junk skin care.... 

With all that information, I've decided to sell/give away my toner and essences which did not benefit my skin condition. On top of that, I've also learnt that fragrance is a big no no in our skin care. This is especially important if you have sensitive skin like yours truly who tends to react to random things. Fragrance in the form of essential oils, parfumes etc can potentially irritate your skin and cause red bumps (yucks) and worsen acne.  

After contacting https://ficklebeauty.com/ and sending her pictures of my horrendous looking skin, she patiently recommended me only 4 products (one of which is optional) to help to clear my skin. I also took pictures of the current skin care products I'm using and she told me which ones to cut off from my life. The experience was great as she was not pushy and did not recommend things I did not need. She explained the need for each different product and also mentioned that serum is not something that is necessary right now but if I would like to add it into my regime, it's ok too. So anyways, I got myself the cleanser, moisturiser and a sunscreen - all of which are fragrance free :) Oh, she said I could continue to use my mandelic acid toner (an AHA exfoliant) at night to help smoothen out my skin. 

She reassured me that NO MATTER what happens, I gotta keep to this new skin care diet for 14 days in order to see results. Should there be little to no improvement after 14 days with regards to my bumpy skin, she would recommending adding a BHA product into my regime. We shall see! Shall post a before and after photo for comparison and keep sake after 14 days :) stay tune! 

The 3 products cost me $80 dollars (free shipping!). Considering the price and the quantity of the product, I would say that it is in the mid range of being affordable. However, after doing some quick search on shoppee, I've managed to find cheaper options there. I guess it's justified for Fickle Beauty to charge a little bit more given that she gives tailored advice :) For that, I think I might just continue to purchase from her to support her. 

It has been about 3-4 days since I've started my new skin care routine and I must say that my skin looks less irritated and inflamed. The hormonal acne that I had are slowly fading and while there are still some visible bumps on my skin, I think (?) they are getting lesser. Fingers crossed! Will update again 14 days later, bye! 

TOPIK 1 한국어 시험 :)

Hello! It has been a while since I've posted something as I was busy with studying for my Korean proficiency exam TOPIK 1. I finally took it today and yes it is done (for now). 

It was rather surreal to be sitting in an examination hall, faced with a Korean exam script because I would have never thought that I would be doing this even one year ago. Signing up for the test itself was rather impulsive because I felt that at that point of time, I needed something to challenge myself with. 

Before I even started studying Korean language, I did seek some opinions of people around me whether I should be studying Korean in the first place. Reasons why I should not study it was rather compelling - no practical usage, not going Korea to study, waste of time, will just give up after a while etc. To be honest, I was a little discouraged then when I heard all these and it kinda resisted me from signing up for any courses. However, looking back, I am definitely not regretting my decision and bravery for jumping out of my comfort zone and pursuing an interest even if there are no obvious tangible and practical benefits to it. 

Learning a new language has been a fruitful journey (still learning humbly because there's just wayyyy too much to learn :)) and I'm thankful for this experience because it has humbled me in many ways. It has taught me how to appreciate Korean cultural better, watch Korean cartoons and actually laughing at their korean dialogues etc. I don't even know where to begin to explain the little joys during this learning journey. Of course, the journey has not been entirely smooth sailing - there were times where I questioned my sanity as to why I am even learning Korean and times where I felt that I should give up when things got tough. However, I'm glad I've persevered and I hope that I would be able to continue to do so!

Apart from these little nuggets of joy, I would also like to encourage anyone to just go ahead and pursue your interests. Really. There will always be aunties, uncles, friends (whoever you can think of) who would discourage you from going for something you want just because they are limited by their world view. But hey, we are only limited by what we limit ourselves to right? The world is bigger than whatever we can comprehend and although it is scary, it is ok to push ourselves out of our comfort zones sometimes. Perhaps you would be able to discover something greater out there and get to know that you are capable of much bigger things. 

This would be a reminder to myself that when I am learning something new, do not let naysayers deter you. Don't give in to your insecurities, we are meant to push the invisible boundaries that we thought restricted us. However, as we adopt the growth mindset, there is really nothing we cannot do (legal things ah). I'm not here to brag about the achievement or what, just really want to share and encourage everyone to take the leap of faith and do whatever you have always wanted to do. Be it drawing, dancing, a new sport etc, just do it! You will never know what you could ever achieve unless you try to do it :) 

Another take away is that we don't necessary have to do something that is productive or practical. Life is more than being a output machine and we are more than being just measured by what we could contribute. Granted, learning this new language does not have any tangible benefits - it does not help me with my line of work, neither would it help with my daily lives, but what I've gained is a new perspective to this world, an enjoyment of a beautiful language and most importantly, watching K-drama without subtitles eventually. hehe. Don't let people's yardstick be our yardsticks. I guess we are all used to living the prim and proper life and follow the life charted out for us. However, we would never be able to discover the wild flowers blooming at the corner of the sidewalk if we decide not to be courageous and venture. 

In life, there will always be tons of people giving you advice whether you asked for it or not. E.g. When to get a bf, when to get married, how to give birth, how to feed the child, how many children you have, how you should be a female, how you should dress etc. IMO, just screw it. This is our lives and we ought to be focused and live authentically and genuinely. Take the good advice and filter out the useless chatter. Live freely :) 

Alright, that's all for the random and rather out of point blog post that went from Korean test to life LOL. I'm excited about how things would turn out and I really can't wait for the day that I would be able to watch K-drama without subtitles :) 화아팅! 

走出自我认知的黑箱

 

上周在图书馆闲逛的时候，无意间看到了这一本书。这是关于心理和自我调节的书。而作者是希望读者阅读后，能够构建更新的自我认知，让幸福成为生活的常态。 以下便是在下小小的感想～

作者从原生家庭开时，讲述了我们于童年痛苦记忆和原生家庭的纠结。虽然说我们现在的不良行为和决定不能完全怪罪于原生家庭，但多多少少都会被它影响。怎么影响的我就别在这里班门弄斧了，若有兴趣的话，无妨去图书馆借读。我今天要分享的呢，是我在其中感悟到如何放过自己，让自己从黑箱里头走出来，和自己和解。 

很多时候，我们不是因为无法走出黑箱而是我们在潜意识里，一直疯狂的逼迫自己成为黑箱里头的奴隶。从而，不断地在身上加上无数的枷锁。可能是习惯了其中的痛苦吧，好像形成我们无法想象能够幸福一样。 

生活的磨难和痛苦本是常态。唯一能够让内心平静的方法就是接受这是常态，并且和自己内心的挣扎共乘和解。犯错也是人之常情，没有一个人可能毫无瑕疵，十全十美。倘若我们能够接受人无完人，那么就可以在我们的心理空出以个空间装下那个我们所认为不够好的，就的自己。接受自己的不完美，可能就是真正接纳自己的开始。书中说的，当我们成功接受自己的不完美，我们在能够在这种接受中不再小号能量去抵抗，去谴责，去逃避那个原始的自己。或许我们真的很糟糕，但有了这种接纳后，我们能在心平气和的状态中去寻找并且塑造另一个新的自己。

若要活成自我，就别总是在别人的定义中寻找自我。人的定义总是会改变，而重复的改变只会使我们迷失自己，乱了自我的定义。首先，我们得给自己拟定位置 - 而这个位置是别人不能随便去更改的。因为这是自己拟定的自我定义。其二，打从心里的去明白自己的价值观是什么。别人的价值观是可以被参考，但是不能因为自己想要模仿他而把他的价值观成为自己的中心。最后，试着静下心来凝听内心的声音。不要让心声被世界的杂声给淹没了。能够这么做，可能我们能够活得比较明确和自在，因为我们能够慢慢的看清什么是自己真的想要的，和什么是从外面投向我们的绳子。

这本书也提醒了我应该要好好的保护内心的小孩。我们的内心里可能都隐藏着一个小孩子。而这个小孩子无法随着岁月的流失而成长。反而，他会随着时间的流失在心理越藏越深，又是深到连我们自己都无法察觉。而这孩子代表的是我们最初的心，最原始和最单纯的梦想和执着。只是当我们长大的时候，那小孩的思想总是被种种的眼光和意见鄙视，渐渐的，那小孩开始不相信自己任何的梦想是值得的。慢慢的，那小孩变成不安，暴躁，不开心。但是，因为现实中的年龄和心中的小孩并不搭乘，我们只能继续隐瞒。不料的是，每当我们想要去追求梦想，开始为我们梦寐以求的目标前进时，那不安的小孩便会开始作祟。“你根本不够好”，“你还要试吗？根本是在白费力气”，“你看看某某人，和你一样年纪就成功了，你是个失败者”，“没有人会爱你的”，“不管再怎么奴隶，你都不可能会成为优秀者”等的负面思想会开始打压我们的信心。或许这是因为我们从来没有好好的安慰内心的孩子，去鼓励他，和爱护他。当我们能够温柔的对待我们内心的孩子，也是我们成功开始和自己和解的时候吧。因为那孩子也同时代表着我们的软弱和无助。但是即便是无助，我们也能够接受这样的自己。

这本书并非是仙丹，能够治愈我们内心所有的伤和痛。但是看见和了解便是我们开始允准我们走出黑箱的开始。挫折还是会发生，难过和不如意的事常八九，但是若我们成为自己最大的支持者，人生道路上可能些许会少一点寂寞吧。 

人生规划

最近在FB读了白樱的部落格。在文中提到我们每一个人都有属于自己的人生和规划，因此不必盲目地去追求别人的生活。

当我们产生嫉妒的心理，和他人攀比的时候，我们可能会企图把我们的人生目标换成他人的目标。但是，别人的路终究不是我们该走的路。若执意的走下去，我们可能会在茫茫的道路上迷失自我。

从小到大，我总是追这别人的影子长大。我以为如果我能够成为某某人，或者成为父母心中的某某成功人士，我便会快了。但我渐渐的意识到，就算我成功地抵达那目的地，其实我一点也不快了。反而，心中产生迷惑和失落。那么久以来，我一直以别人的标准为自己的标准 - 难怪生活中好像越来越迷茫。 

渐渐的，我开始想为自己而活，开始寻找自己的方向。但是，当我们开始寻找不一样的人生道路时，一定会引来异样的眼光和意见。

比如说，我一直以来都很想学习新的语言，而那次看上的语言便是韩语。当我问问周围人的想法时，得到的确实些负面的想法。他们都说学习这些东西没什么用处。原因是因为我都不在韩国，都没有打算去韩国，或者说根本没有练习韩语的机会，学了实在是浪费金钱时间。一开始我真的动摇了。我本打算放弃这想法 - 可能真的不实际？可是想来想去，我还是决定去报名学习韩语课程了。值得庆幸的是，至今我并没有后悔过。反而，我在这学习的过程中获得非常多的收获，很高兴我并没有因别人的否定而放弃自己的初中。 

在人生道路中，一定会有我们的支持者和否定者。虽然说我们不应该完全的忽略否定者的意见，但我们要试着从中吸取精华，去除糟粕。该听的我们便听，不该接受的意见就让它随风而去吧。从大学时期开始，我便以为毕业后就得像别的成功人士一样去考研究院才算得上有一番成就。但我也渐渐的明白，那是别人的路，别人的选择 - 我不必以他们的人生结构为自己的标准。 

很无奈的是，我们终究无法控制别人的嘴和意见。比如说，很多朋友都告诉我我这年龄结婚，是不是太早了，毕竟还没有经历生么人生体验呢。又有人说最好是早结婚早定下早生子越好，这才算的上美满人生。而这些幸福美满的定义到底是取决于哪儿呢？反正不是我。不必去太在意别人人生的定义，努力去寻找自己的人生吧。反正我们怎么样都不可能活成别人眼中成功的定义，那么我么又何苦逼迫自己委屈求全呢？ 

如果说你们已经大半辈子以他人的标准生活，开始感到疲惫不堪，现在开始自己的人生并不迟。自古以来，我们女生总是有数不完的规矩和礼仪的恪守，虽然说现在时代不同了，以往的枷锁可能渐渐被解开了，但是那枷锁总是以另外一种方式被呈现出来。我们努力的活出自己心中幸福的模样吧。我们不必被任何定义绑架，只要是不犯法，不伤人的，尽管去试一试吧。若失败了，再试一下。我们终究是在自己的赛道上赛跑，而在这赛道上的参赛者，都是不同时期的自己而已。

三八妇女节快乐！

Thoughts on brevity of life

    It is rather unnerving to see news of people having unnatural deaths recently. It's as if there is a curse placed when there is string of deaths occurring. The recent events of people dying at totally unexpected situations, people who toyed with danger and just mere accidents got me thinking about how fragile and temporal our existence could be. 

    In Psalm 90:12 the Psalmist cried out to the Lord to teach us to number our days so that we may gain wisdom. In the midst of hundreds over verses in the book of Psalm, it seemed like a verse which I would casually browse through at my age. I mean, what could possibly happen at my age right? I've barely started living my adulthood! However, as I began to tune in to how brief our lives on earth could be, I began to appreciate the meaning in this verse. No one could absolutely know when the expiry date of our lives would be and the next moment could be the end of our lives. The awareness of the brevity of our lives help us focus on things that are truly important to us. When we know that there is a dateline to our projects, we become more focused and aim to complete the job before the dateline. I think this would apply to our lives if we were to live each day as our last and be prepared before we are gone. 

    I started to reflect if I have been wasting my life on unnecessary pursuits and if I could live my life in an eternal perspective instead. When I viewed my life in this lens, many things which I felt was important became less of a priority while things that used to be less of a priority seemed to have moved up the ladder of importance. 

    This shift in perspective can be described as a rather out of the world experience when I began to view things in the eternal perspective. Questions I would ask myself would be: would this matter in a few years time? Is this really worth the fight and unhappiness? Would I hold this of importance if I knew that today would be my last? Of course, I am far from any saint or enlightened beings in the spectrum of time but I do enjoy such meta-life questions once in a while. It makes find that one thing that is important in the hustles and bustles of life where I tend to just live life as the current pushes me along. As I flow along the currents of life, at least I am aware that this is a journey of no return and the journey forward is the only way I could possibly go. 

    Hence, what this new insight gave me was to live life in the present. There is no point holding on the past hurts and grudges because there is simply no time to waste living in misery. My countdown timer will only get shorter and shorter and every minute spent in misery is one minute less spent in joy and happiness. I guess we often punish ourselves unknowingly by holding to past hurts and mistakes inflicted by our family, friends and other people around us. The hurt has already been inflicted and that person probably has forgotten about it or was never aware of it. So why continue punishing ourselves in our minds? With this thought in mind, I'm learning how to look at my life in a macro-perspective compared to a micro one and it helps me in resolving past conflicts. I am responsible for my own life, happiness and the only way I am going to make this life count is to live in the present and move forward.

    Similar to the previous point, I am also learning how to manage my own reaction towards possible unfairness, injustice and hurt. As I release myself from past unhappiness, I cannot stop future events from happening. However, I am able to control how I choose to respond to future events. Often, I find myself getting angry or annoyed because someone has been rude, difficult and just impossible to please. It is definitely natural to feel angry when I am being disrespected and stepped all over. While I do not agree with being a doormat and that I should always draw clear boundaries with such people, perhaps it is unnecessary to invest too much negative emotions into such situations. When we are presented with negative emotions, we can either choose to entertain it or ignore it. I've started having this internal monologue telling myself that it is not necessarily to get angry in several situations because it does not contribute to improving the situation. Instead, concentrate on what constructive and if there isn't anything I could possibly do about it, I could always manage my own emotions. 

    Lastly, the brevity of life has also reminded me that we are but nomads in this life. Nothing we own now could be ours forever and we are merely tenants on earth. Hence, the materials, fame, money, accolades that we so dearly covet after are meaningless once we are taken away abruptly. While there is nothing wrong in pursuing those in its essence, but do not forget to give back and be a light that shines for others when we still possibly can. It is a reminder to myself to not forget to spend time with those who matter and not to waste time on those who don't. Stop chasing after people/things that generate negative returns, hoping that they will one day make my life worthwhile. The things and people that I have are what I need and I what I need I already have. 

    In line with living a minimalistic and clutter free life, removing the thoughts that clutter my mind will also free myself more. The more we are aware of how ephemeral our lives are, the more crystal clear we would be about what we need in our lives. 

    Stay safe and stay woke :)