I remember having a such conversation with one of my close friend:
Me: Now that I've graduated and there are no mandated check points, I feel kinda lost. Like there are no goals for me to work towards to anymore.
Friend: yeah me too, feels strange now that the goal getter does not know what work towards.
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For almost 2 years, I have struggled to find what my next goal was and I have been bumping around like a pin ball so desperately trying to find something that was 'worthy' for me to pursue. It was a new kind of anxiety that I experienced when I did not know what to do and did not know what my next step shall be.
Have you felt similar frustration when you see your peers moving on to their next stage of their lives and you felt trapped at where you are? And with that anxiety, did you that make you also want to follow whatever that they are doing so that you seem that you are not wasting your life away?
Count me in! However, blindly chasing after what other's pursued only amplifies my fear of missing out (FOMO) and would not help you or me find what sparks joy and the purpose in our lives. The foolishness only made me more frustrated with myself and my spiritual animal became a headless chicken - running all around the place without a specific goal in the end.
Practicing mindfulness and being aware of my micro-motives in life helped in fine-tuning what sparked joy and what did not. It took me a long time to realise that I was trying to imitate the lives of others and not living my own - what makes others happy may not make me happy. And who knows? Are those people whom I am imitating really living the kind of lives they want or are they also simply going with the flow? That's when I started to learn how to tune out external influences and focus on what really motivates me everyday.
Here are some steps I am employing to filter our what's important in my life:
1. Find out what doesn't spark joy and discard it.
Just like Multiple choice questions (MCQ) in exams, it is easier to eliminate the wrong choices to better lead you to the correct answer. We can apply this in life too. (who says exams is not applicable to real life? :p).
Along the way, as we search deep and hard enough, we may become aware of what we absolutely hate doing and what we don't mind doing. For me, knowing what I dislike is also a step forward in finding out what I may like doing :)
I used to think that earning a lot of money may make me happier when I was stuck in my previous workplace. I thought that perhaps a fat pay cheque may dampen my unhappiness with the lack of growth and learning opportunities. Glad I did not make any stupid mistakes by joining them haha. Fast forward 2 years, I am now working at another place where there are more learning opportunities, growth and brain work. Pay wise? neh, still the same haha. BUT, I find my footsteps so much lighter and I am actually happy going to work, happy at work and happy at the end of the working day even if it was tiring. Thus, I kinda know what motivates me more - growth and learning.
2. Have an open mind and be curious
Adopt a curious and open mind. You will be amazed by how much you could learn when you do not confine your mind to a preconceived set of beliefs.
I think it really helps to have an expansion mindset and believe that there are always opportunities to learn everywhere. If learning opportunities do not come to you, create it and find it. As long as we remain inquisitive, there will always be room to improve and grow.
Slowly but surely, my mindset has begin to shift from a finite mindset to one where it believes in limitless growth potential. We are often not entirely confined by our external circumstances but rather the rigidity of our core beliefs about ourselves and the world.
3. Be at peace where ever you are
Perhaps the greatest take away for me was joy comes when I am contented in all circumstances. That does not mean that I do not complain or do not grumble when I am placed in a place I do not want to be. But it means more self soothing talks and conscious adjustments of my monologue to one of more gratitude. It is a choice to be made so that my lenses are focused on things that are gratitude worthy instead of dwelling on the less-than-ideal part of things.
When the heart is at peace, whatever disturbances that come along the way will always result in achieving equilibrium. A lot of unhappiness and stress originate from ourselves when we are unable to see things beyond what it is. When our mindsets are too fixated on the negatives, the entire outlook that follows will be bleak. Frustration is like a grey cloud that blurs your windscreen, causing all things to be moody. Hence, it is always important to be self-aware of any degrading thoughts and swipe them away before it becomes our life's permanent lenses.
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Am I still looking for the next goal in my life? Yeah of course haha ~ I still believe that it is important to have a goal to work towards in life to have more targeted growth. However, I am less anxious about finding it now because there are always mini goal posts along the way and the journey is not always futile. It is about tuning in to what I am joyful about and not about what I think would make me happy. As cliche as it is, always remember to smell the roses along the way :)
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